Sunday, January 30, 2011

Patches Are Not Just For Clowns

Hello again, friends.

Here it is, Saturday night, I'm sitting on the couch and the lights are low. What am I doing? Watching a video on depression. Oh, let the good times roll! Bring on the popcorn. I suppose having a little extra knowledge on depression couldn't hurt. However, the flaps are still down. Far be it from me to whine (hah!) but I have to be authentic. Otherwise, what's the point?

On the upside, I am doing MUCH better than I was a month ago. While I'm not ready to burst into 'Happy Days Are Here Again,' I can enjoy a few days of relative stability.  But as if on cue, the anxiety front always moves in. However, it doesn't have me in a chokehold any longer.

In December, I had an emotional M&M:  major meltdown. I'm still hoofing it on the road to recovery but I'm taking it slow, steady and sure. I do much better when there is a minimum of stress in the house - who doesn't? - which typically lasts about a nanosecond. At times, I feel like a clumsy bellboy juggling everyone's luggage and I can only carry my own baggage right now. Still, I try to be there for my family as much as I can.

On the fibro front, a few months ago I noticed I could go longer and longer without changing my pain patch. To my delight I thought maybe, just maybe, the fibromyalgia might be going away. Dare I say the word remission?  I needed to know what was happening to my body. I cut down my dosage of BuTrans from 10 mcg. to 5 mcg.  Excited by the thought that I might be able to wean off from my medication altogether and live happily ever after, I did a fibro version of a happy dance.  But as Dr. Phil  famously says, get real. The first week at the lower dosage went pretty well. During the second week, the pain returned. I ignored it and chalked it up to being over-tired. When I started waking up to rigor mortis and pain, I admitted defeat. This fibro thing wasn't going away and I was disappointed. Well, it was an experiment and now I knew:  I still needed the big guns.

All kinds of pain returned to attack me. I realized just how well the patch had been working to manage my pain. Unfortunately, getting it back under control proved to be a bit trickier. Hell, it's still not under control. I have damn breakthrough pain and need to top up with a Trammy on most days. That wasn't the case when I was on the higher dosage. Live and learn. Crash and burn.

I haven't been living up to my resolution to blog regularly.  I figure the fibro story is same old, same old. I hate to be a Debbie Downer but the reality is that living a life with fibromyalgia and all the other itis-es and osis-es is the stuff nightmares are made of.

Fibro is fibro. Can I put a new spin on it? Well, it's my story and I'm stickin' with it.


  1. Cathy, your post today was so heart-felt. You have a skill with writing that makes the reader really feel your pain. I wish with all my heart that I could take your pain away. I would give my life to change my son's psychiatric disability. In this life we can only play the cards we are dealt.
    Love you CRT! Laurie

  2. Thanks Laurie. The pain is manageable - it was just a disappointment to have it return! Darn it!

  3. I have no confidence in the friend patches. I have an experience with a friend who read in Findrxonline these patches were effective for control of the Fibro but as pain that you did not find the desired effects. And although this depends on many factors as mentioned on the web, what is clear is that to control the pain still we must rely on prescription drugs like vicodin, percocet, lortab, among many that exist today.

  4. Hi Joan,

    I can understand your viewpoint. However, the BuTrans patch which I use is very well tolerated, as it releases a steady dose of the drug, rather than experiecing the ups and downs of medicating with tablets. However, I wish I didn't have to rely on meds either but it sure is much better than being in pain 24/7. Thanks for your comment.

  5. I 'hate' that your blog is named 'I am Fibro'.......we are not is apart of us though. I admit.......I did not, have not read your blog posts......but the 'I am Fibro' struck me as so defeating.

  6. your well as the words you use to express your feelings with what this is like to deal with. How many Saturday nights have I used trying to research everything instead of just enjoying the night. Someway ....I'm going to figure it out....I will not allow this STUFF to eat up my life! Who can be faced with this and not have depression!

    I hope it's okay to post this here, but I did figure some out. I have hypothyroidism and I came across a site called WILSON'S SYNDROME (not disease). I had about every sympton on there. To make a very, long story short....I am doing REVERSE T3 THERAPY.....this started out as baby steps but now one forth of my thyroid replacement is T3.... CYTOMEL. It's hard to find a doctor that believes in this in the states. Since starting on the T-3 Cytomel about five years ago, I haven't had near the pain I use to. Occasionally, I will go through a mild flair up compared to the pain I use to deal with. We are all different.....but I did want to share this is what has worked for me. Some of us can't convert T4 into T3 like our bodies are suppose to.