Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Skanky Business

Yesterday, I spent an hour sitting in a surgeon's waiting room. It's last renovation was probably, like, 1965. Okay, that's a separate subject - why doctors that bring in a 6-figure income cannot be bothered to update a tatty, smelly, decrepit office is beyond my comprehension.

I waited an hour to see the doctor. Wisely, I brought along the book that had been assigned for book club reading, so it was not a total waste of my time. An elderly woman was called by the receptionist - she rises slowly and pads her way across the dodgy carpet, farting with each successive step. Okaaaay. After the smell from Granny's flatulence has finally vaporized, a trio of ZZ-Top wannabes file in. The cigarette smell was obscene - like a sledgehammer to the nose. 'God, hurry please. Get me outta this cess pool,' I am pleading inside.

Finally, my turn comes and I can't exit stage left fast enough. The alleged breast lump that my doctor felt is no where to be found. This is great news but I had to wait 60 minutes and have my nostrils assaulted repeatedly. I'm told to return for a re-check in 2 months. No problemo. Adios, Doc and maybe ya might wanna update your office to at least circa 1985 - gotta love that grey and dusty rose colour scheme. Or not.

I should have gone directly home after my appointment but groceries needed to be bought. What should have been a quick 10-minute spin around Safeway turned into an hour long scavenger hunt - I'm not terribly familiar with the store as I usually shop at Save-On. Back at home, I struggle to throw a quick store-bought meal together for hubby and daughter. All I really want is to lie down and be left in peace. I don't take up much space - just let me be, please. After dinner I take my leave and head up to bed. Once there I can contemplate the sharpness of my irritable bowel in private. Oh joy.

After a busy day (for me, anyway,) I will no doubt be shattered the following day. I compare it to the recovery phase after sex, only not nearly as much fun! Sure enough, my butt is best friends with the bed today. How can picking up one child from school and one dog from the groomers exhaust a body so? Today is one of those days where I attempt to stay on one floor of the house. I have to ask my daughter for things, like, food. The dog is pacing restlessly, indicating it's chow time. Darn dog - I fed her yesterday.

Days like today are a 'housework-free zone.' Don't even think about picking up that laundry basket. The mess will be there tomorrow. I may have spent the better part of the day in bed but I had the utmost pleasure watching a frenzied storm through the large windows in my bedroom. I saw the most exquisite sunset - a ribbon of pink dancing on blue sky, wispy trees undulating in the wind.

Tomorrow, I am back to my usual haunt: my doctor's office. They should name a room after me. My visits alone must have paid for her summer vaction by now.

My daughter is happy, the dog smells pretty and I watched a storm. All in all, I'd have to say it's been a rather awesome day.

1 comment:

  1. grandma flatulence. that's just too awesome for words.