Don't Let Me Down

This wasn't what I was expecting.

After 3 weeks of wearing a pain patch, I've been fortunate to avoid the experience of breakthrough pain. Supposedly, the pain patch will continue to deliver analgesic for approximately 12 hours after removal. Today marked week 4 - the end of my trial period and the replacement of a new patch.

For the first time since wearing it, I didn't need to look at the calendar to know that it was time for a new one. I felt the familiar aches nagging at me, the skin sensitivity and other very un-fun aspects of fibromyalgia.

I was sittin' real pretty there for almost a month, calling myself a functioning fibromite. I convinced myself the fibro had turned tail, intimidated by the big gun narcotics. I'm not sure how to interpret the return of pain. Is it merely an anomaly? Has the pain returned because I have been more active? Has my body become used to the drug in one short month? Do I need to have my doctor increase the dosage? That's a lot of questions with no answers in sight.

For 3 weeks, I had no pain whatsoever. It was exhilarating, exciting and extremely freeing. With no pain to bog me down, I hit a burst of new-found energy. Suddenly, I morphed into a cleaning demon. I organized and sorted the kitchen pantries, turfed out-dated food and I ascended Mt. Ironing, decimating it to an ant-hill in one evening. I was invigorated with the need to purge. As a result, I welcomed open, airy, clean spaces into the house and closets.

At the same time, my internal watchdog growled a warning to stop and smell the roses. Quite literally, as summer is in full bloom as I write. As much as I relished my neatly organized home, I didn't want to miss out on the fresh air or gazing at a cloudless sky while lying aimlessly on the lounge chair, daydreaming or devouring a hot summer read.

I'm still struggling to strike a balance, between hyper-housewife and relaxing down time while still including pure, delightful summer fun.

I digress. To be honest, I am disappointed that the patch has not held me for the entire month. I have been 'topping' myself up with Tramacet most evenings, lately. I was certain the pain patch would provide me with 100% relief around-the-clock. It came so close.

I will visit my doctor in a few days to discuss my trial run with BuTrans. Maybe this is as good as it gets - it's still the most effective pain relief that I've tried so far. I don't know what she will suggest but I certainly hope she decides that I should continue with it. I've already come so far and I'm not willing to give it up now. Not after a heady taste of life and of all that I was missing.

I'll do whatever it takes to maintain homeostasis.